locker room

Before I turned into a mature highschooler, there were issues in junior highschool.My junior high consisted of 7th and 8th graders, and there was the normal superiority complex.  However, again, me and my friends were more than one grade above those dirty 7th graders.  We were leagues ahead of anything they could dream of being.

One of the major flash points happened towards the middle of the first semester.  Me and my friends took track as an elective, so we had access to the track locker room.  One day one of my friends had to put some shoes in his track locker because he didn't want to carry them around all day.  This was before school had started, so we had time to kill anyway.  To our dismay, a huge group of 7th graders were hanging out in the locker room.  It was ridiculously funny at first, I mean they thought they had this cool secret hang out like batman or something.

After laughing about it most of the day, we figured they just decided to meet there that day.  There was no way they were actually hanging out there every morning.  We had to check the next day to make sure.

Sure enough, there they were again.  They had been hanging out in the locker room for days or weeks, maybe even a month or two.  This is when it stopped becoming funny.  I mean, this was OUR locker room, and these 7th graders were ruining everything by hanging out there every morning.

The locker room had a unique design, and we would have to use this to our advantage.

We then decided to ninja the 7th graders, as that would be the only way to make sure they would stop hanging out there.  We grabbed some chairs from the cafeteria, and hid them in the empty space.

We waited until the next morning, and when the 7th graders started getting loud, and we thought everyone in that group was there, we ninja'd up to the empty space.

We then unleashed the most epic ninjaing I've ever been a part of.  The 7th graders had no idea we were even there, or that anything was up.  That was our time to strike.  We grabbed the chairs and threw them while punching.  I think I was born in the wrong century, because I would have been a kick-ass ninja.  here's what it vaguely looked like.

Seniority, that's why.

office pranks

Usually, the office is pretty quiet, with an occasional joke every 30 minutes or so, but eventually we degrade back to children.  We think of something so hilarious that we can't help ourselves but follow through with a prank or two.

These pranks usually follow one of two cycles:

Cycle A

Cycle B

Going with Cycle A. At the office, boredom struck i realized that I needed to shave.  That day we were making comments about a co-worker's daughter's basketball team, and how it would be funny to go watch them practice and act like it was ok.  So I decided to come in the next day with a lone mustache, and act like a 70's pornstar/perv for the lulz.  It wasn't really a prank, just boredom.

I had my picture taken and lulz were had.  I didn't realize that a prank was already under way.




I came in the next day to see a wanted poster on the front door of the office.




So now I had to retaliate.  I found one of the creepiest clients and mspaint'd a photo of them with their arm around the co-worker who made the wanted poster.  I then made a creepy note to go with it.  After the resulting ownage, the cycle slowly started again.

Now, Cycle B works differently.  Something happens to make you frustrated with a co-worker or friend, and you prank them, which makes you feel better.  Usually there is no retaliation because of the previous tension.

During the week before Halloween, one of my co-workers kept accidentally knocking whatever drink I had out of my hands.  At its worst it was three drinks knocked down in four days.

On Halloween, I knew what to do.  I bought an angry birds costume and came into work with it on.  I went into the drink destroyer's office and started knocking everything onto the ground while she was there.  It was a day full of win.

The Hot Zone

Yea, so no words for this one, just cartoons

Floor is lava

In High School, I had an AP teacher who transferred from teaching elementary school.  She ended up being a much better teacher than I expected, but she wasn't ready for my class.  I don't really understand why she wasn't ready, having taught elementary school, but she was ill prepared for me and my friends.

We were very smart, often times having the best grades in our classes, but we had a problem.  We would revert back to being children due to trigger phrases, or through ecstatic epiphanies that would just seem to take over.

From the get go we didn't like the desk arrangement.  Why should unused desks go unused?  And who better to utilize these unused desks than the best students in the class?  We would unleash super desks!

I don't know why this made her so mad, and I didn't really understand why she didn't expect it every day.

Eventually she just bottled up all of her hatred of our super desks and just accepted that the best students were going to have extra desks.

One day, about five minutes into class, one of my friends noticed something horrifying.  He shouted when he saw that the floor was LAVA!  We immediately jumped on to the desks.  Luckily, we had prepared for this day with super desks.  After calming down after the initial discovery, no-one really cared that we thought the floor was lava.  That was a mistake.  We became so into the idea, that the floor really was lava.  about ten more minutes went on with a spiral of delusion working it's way through us until our desks felt like they were melting. My teacher didn't understand our metaphysical crisis, and became upset.

My friend tried his best to reach the books by leaping desk to desk, but the desk closest to the bookshelf was slightly too far away.

It's at this moment that I realized that I had red on my shoes.  The red would protect me from the lava, as now I had lava shoes.  Everyone watched in awe as I was able to walk on the lava without turning into a flaming glob of pain and ash.  The odd thing was that my teacher was still pissed bc the floor was still lava, but i was the only one able to walk on it.  She assumed that we would have to stop playing the game, but no, the lava would have to slowly cool off until it was safe to walk on again.  Eruptions happened occasionally throughout the year, but my teacher just gave up, and probably lost whatever hope she had left for my generation.

glow sticks

I've had several drafts, but I'm going to make this post and push it through before I doubt its awesomeness.

Anyway, I started talking to this seemingly cool girl on the internets.  Apparently she writes weird stuff.  Horror fantasy and whatnot. After talking to her for a week, we decided to hang out. (Yay!!)  She had a personal experience horror type entry due on Monday, and we were set to hang out on Saturday.

After getting directions she told me not to worry about the grave sized hole in front of her apartment...Then I momentarily was weirded out.  Maybe she needs some inspiration for her first hand horror story,  maybe she set out bear traps...why would there be a grave-sized hole there?  I snapped out of the paranoia and decided to go anyway.

I wasn't really sure what to expect.  I knew
several girls that photoshop their photos into unrecognizable people, so I had to prepare myself for the worst possible scenario.

She turned out way better than expected.  She didn't kill me, either, which was definitely a plus.  I had a great time and had to restrain myself from kissing her every 30 seconds or so.  So much awesome nerdity and epic flailing.



yes i am a master painter









Anyway, after good sushi and wandering around cool places, I had the strongest urge for glowsticks.  You know when you're a kid, and you obsess over something simple but to you it seems like the best thing ever, and if you can't have it you'll probably die?  I had that feel take over me, and at the worst time, while on a date with this great girl.  I had to have glowsticks.  Right then.

After going to several stores we finally found them, in all of their glory.  Which ended up turning into this.

After saying goodbye, she knew what to do...